Reviews

2

Jennifer's Body review

I've now seen this twice, because I can, and both times I saw it, it was pretty...meh. I don't think the film itself was bad, I just thought that many moments within the film were plain cheesy, other parts were pretty impressive-ish, but like I said, the film wasn't really a bad film, maybe I'd consider gettting it on DVD, for the extras and whatnot, but Megan Fox was particularly meh in this. I suppose she showed she could act a little, but to be honest, it was far too clichéd for my liking. She was basically the cheerleader who knows she's hot and she can get any guy she wants...with a twist. She eats them. Woooaaah. Now, the opening of the film was nothing special, but it made me think. That's good. I like films that make me think. The scratching of the orifice on her arm was pretty damn repulsive, but it was good, I thought as though she was wasting away, as it were, and I really felt that...But then the film began. Let me emphasise once again, this isn't a bad film at all, so just keep that it mind when I'm talking about it. So once we've been introduced to Jennifer, and been given a small background on Needy, it's apparent they're both 'best friends'. So as the film progresses, Jennifer gets raped kidnapped invited into a van and she happily jumps in the back and she's whisked off to be raped sacrificed. So turns out, you need to be a virgin to be sacrificed, and surprise, surprise, she's not a virgin. So basically that gets screwed up, and a demon enters through her...well...orifices(You'll know what I mean). She's now a succubus. Oofff course. Ok, so obviously it's not realistic, but it worked, I guess.  I did love how Jennifer sort of 'unhinged' her jaws in the woods, it's pretty unnoticeable, but you'll know what I'm referring to. Adam Brody was great in this, his performance wasn't very different from what I know of, but enjoyable nonetheless. He portrayed this Satan worshipping fella pretty well, not like I know any, but he had this creepy aura thing going down, it was pretty cool, and was good seeing him in an active role on the big screen again. Overall, it was a pretty decent movie, but with things such as the repetitive 'Through The Trees' referenced throughout, and Fox's 'I'm a pretty high school cheerleader and I'm so hot' thing going on, it was just superfluous. All in all, it was nice to see Fox do something other than run around in short shorts, and scream about welding robots. 6/10 Kazed

2

Bruno review

Soooooooo, it seems I was one of the few people that didn’t manage to get to see Bruno at the cinema when it came out. I heard good things from people about it so I risked it for a biscuit and bought it on dooovd. So basically, the story is that you follow the famous, gay Austrian TV presenter Bruno as he tries to break America. His reputation is left in tatters after a catwalk disaster and all he has to help him on his journey is his former assistant’s assistant ‘Lutz’. Sound familiar? *cough exactly the same plot as Borat in different context cough*. The whole of the film is basically a mockery of Hollywood and peoples desperate attempts to get famous, from adopting an African child for an iPod to attempting to resolve political conflict through the supreme power of gayness. Sounds funny, yes? I am sad to say that I wasn’t too impressed with Bruno, yes it had its LOL moments but it was just basically a gay Borat that pushes the boundaries of controversial humour a bit more. The thing I liked about Borat was that the humour stunts seemed fairly unscripted and improvised. Maybe some of Bruno was done this way but it didn’t come across that way, everything seemed too polished. The best way to describe the humour was like the guy who tries too hard at parties, could be funny but most people would find it annoying. I always thought it would be difficult to replicate Borat, turns out they literally did just replicate Borat but with a slightly different formula and for me, that was its downfall. It’s like hearing the same joke twice, still funny just never quite as good as the first time. In other news, I now have a brand new copy of Bruno that I don’t really want. Offers? Dan

1

Zombieland review

So I thought I'd catch this on an afternoon where I was free. yeah, Not sure what to make of it, it was definitely a fun, enjoyable movie, lacking of elements which I can't exactly put my finger on at this point, maybe a little down the review I will. Now this movie was definitely a good watch, and I absolutely loved the 'atmospheric conditions', if you will,  throughout the entire film. I guess what I mean is that the silence during the parts where Columbus was alone was a nice touch, granted it probably was silent, but it really added to the whole 'everyone is effing dead' thing. What was incredibly effective to me, was the use of the titles within the film itself, how they were implemented into the situations were pretty entertaining, and it worked, they weren't just placed in the scenes, they were put there for a purpose; to be at one with the scene and informing the audience. Well done Zombieland. Well done. The film was exciting, action in short, fulfilling blasts, and there's not much negative I can say about this other than it probably needed more story on Columbus and Wichita. In fact, all of them. Good film though, enjoyed it throughly. 8/10 Kazed

0

Classics: Saving Private Ryan Review

Classics? Not sure. Good film? Definitely. Here's a first instalments of what will be any Classic reviews(Classic in the sense that it's old. Unless otherwise stated) I'm not sure what it is with WWII, but I just think the very notion of it is just incredibly awesome(The positive parts, not the horrificness), and every time I see a movie that relates to the WWII, it amazes me. Not sure why, exactly, but it just has something that makes me want to watch it over and over. One perfect example, Band of Brothers. That's for another time though. Right now, Saving Private Ryan. Now this film isn't exactly the BEST depiction of WWII I've seen, as it did seem to me as if it was about the incredible prowess and competence of the Americans. sarcasm. I did, however, like the whole idea of how a brotherly bond emerged from amongst the anger that was present between the squad toward the beginning. I have to say though, it wasn't completely predictable, because there were those moments where members of the team actually died. Not just those losers who were scared to shoot anyone(Surprisingly he was the one who survived), but it was the main protagonist(Tom Hanks), and the other macho soldiers who died, a pretty awesome death. Or gruesome, whichever. I absolutely loved the cowardice of the 'loser', having a German soldier walking straight past him without even touching him- It was brilliant to watch, and the expression of the German solider after he walked past him was just great. It was literally like seeing a Dog piss on a Cat. This was done with expression though. The German soldier expressively pissed on the American. Brilliant. The colour of the entire film was well suited to the surrounding, dingy, murky, just basically depressing. It was good though, it added well. I don't think it would've looked better with bright hues and high contrasts. not good. Not good. Either way, this was a good film, yeah, I've missed out quite a few bits, but hey, I think I covered the main part. 7.5/10 Kazed

1

Paranormal Activity Review

Making a movie with $15,000 sounds pretty remarkable to me. A little while ago, I spoke about my love for Indie film, when the trailer for 'Afterschool' dropped. Paranormal Activity is a film which was given limited release, and is probably THE most impressive Horror film I have seen to date, given the circumstances it was filmed on;  $15,000 budget, 1 week to shoot, 2 years until it received critical acclaim. Putting all of that aside though, the film itself was a massive achievement. It contained the makings of an amazing film. Throughout the whole film,  there was never a moment I felt bored. Even during the parts when there was excessive dialogue, I still felt drawn to it, not necessarily to the dialogue itself, but to the way the characters were delivering it. It felt real, it didn't feel like a movie at all to me, it actually felt as though I was watching a documentary, an extended YouTube Vlog-No...Even a Vlog would be more exaggerated, this, was just...real. Not literally, of course, but it wasn't over dramatic, it wasn't theatrical. Now, the effects. Sure, they probably cost peanuts, but the way they were displayed, the way they were executed, and presented, were exceptional. Example 1- The swinging chandelier - Ok, so probably not the most creative effect, but, in the moment- the context in which it was presented, was creepy, and it worked, whether or not it was some dude pushing it before the camera got to it. Think about this, though. Your at home, you hear a noise(all the time keeping in mind you have a chandelier in the house), you run to see what it was, and the chandelier was swaying from side to side. That'd be freaky. See, now, the good thing about this was that it wasn't completely far-fetched, and it was a viable effect, and no doubt, didn't cost a billion dollar to shoot. Example 2, and the most puzzling for me - The leg pulling- Those of you who have seen this, will know what I'm referring to.  I think this was the most effective effect in the entire movie, and still don't know how it was done, I'm working on that, but I just felt it was just brilliant. The emotion that was conveyed by the couple felt so genuine, and it didn't even feel like I was watching a film, by that point in the movie, I was a bystander in their lives. Now the shots- Cloverfield did it, and I loved the concept of a hand-held camera being used for the entire movie.  Like I said before, it felt like I was watching a documentary, it was authentic, and I really bought the whole thing. Hell, I was watching it myself, and I didn't want to sleep after it. More so than any other Horror I've seen before. However, I will say that the end, well, it was pretty anti-climactic. Yeah, yeah, spoiler alert, who cares. So I get what happened, I just don't think it was cool by not telling us what happened afterwards. I did like the authenticity of the film; no credits, just a 'thank you' message to the local Police Department. Overall, good film, still not on the perfect side, I guess purely because of the end, that was a downer for me, but other than that, like I said before, still one of the best Horrors I've seen in a LONG time. 9.5/10 Kazed